My Spiritual High

This weekend I went on a retreat with my church, St. Edwards. It was my second retreat, but my first as a leader. I have to say, I was skeptical about going at first because I really didn't know anyone but I obviously decided to attend. It was one of the best experiences of my life. Although I went last year as a confermee (I don't know if I spelled that right) I feel that this time was absolutly, I can't think of the word so let's just say beyond inspiring. I met so many amazing people that I learned to love. I simply can't wait to strengthen our friendships and I hope that they are lifelasting. This retreat was so significant to me that I decided to join in on the next retreat in a couple of weeks. I also chose to continue being a part of the S.U.R.F. Team, our youth ministry (Serving Under our Richious Father). It's experiences like this that make me feel to rejuvinated, and I feel as if I've been reborn as completely new soul.

One of our team leaders, Eric, shared a song with all of us. You might know it, it's So Contagious by Acceptance. I've been a fan of Acceptance for a while but I don't know how I hadn't heard this song before. I can't stop listening to it. It's like one of those songs that just takes you back to those memories deep inside of you.

Without God I don't think I would have been able to be so outgoing on this retreat. I participated in a number of skits with the rest of the team. It was amazing and I can't wait to do it again.

A poem was recited by one of the adult team members that really got to me and sort of made me realize where my place is. Here it is:

So I Stay Near the Door
By: Samuel Shoemaker

I stay near the door.
I neither go too far in, nor stay too far out,
The door is the most important door in the world-
It is the door through which men walk when they find God.
There's no use my going way inside, and staying there,
When so many are still outside and they, as much as I,
Crave to know where the door is.
And all that so many ever find
Is only the wall where a door ought to be.
They creep along the wall like blind men,
With outstretched, groping hands,
Feeling for a door, knowing there must be a door,
Yet they never find it...
So I stay near the door.

The most tremendous thing in the world
Is for men to find that door-the door to God.
The most important thing any man can do
Is to take hold of one of those blind, groping hands,
And put it on the latch-the latch that only clicks
And opens to the man's own touch.
Men die outside that door, as starving beggars die
On cold nights in cruel cities in the dead of winter-
Die for want of what is within their grasp.
The live, on the other side of it-live because they have found it.
Nothing else matters compared to helping them find it,
And open it, and walk in, and find Him...
So I stay near the door.
Go in, great saints, go all the way in-
Go way down into the cavernous cellars,
And way up into the spacious attics-
It is a vast, roomy house, this house where God is.
Go into the deepest of hidden casements,
Of withdrawal, if silence, of sainthood.
Some must inhabit those inner rooms,
And know the depths and heights of God,
And call outside to the rest of us how wonderful it is.
Sometimes I take a deeper look in,
Sometimes venture in a little farther;
But my place seems closer to the opening...
So I stay near the door.

There is another reason why I stay there.
Some people get part way in and become afraid
Lest God and the zeal of His house devour them;
For God is so very great, and asks all of us.
And these people feel a cosmic claustrophobia,
And want to get out. "Let me out!" they cry.
And the people way inside only terrify them more.
Somebody must be by the door to tell them that they are spoiled
For the old life, they have seen too much:
Once taste God and nothing but God will do anymore.
Somebody must be watching for the frightened
Who seek to sneak out just where they came in,
To tell them how much better it is inside.
The people too far inside do not see how near these are
To leaving-preoccupied with the wonder of it all.
Somebody must watch for those who have entered the door,
But would like to run away. So for them, too,
I stay near the door.
I admire the people who go way in.

But I wish they would not forget how it was
Before they got in. Then they would be able to help
The people who have not yet even found the door,
Or the people who want to run away again from God.
You can go in too deeply, and stay in too long,
And forget the people outside the door.
As for me, I shall take my old accustomed place,
Near enough to God to hear Him, and know He is there,
But not so far from men as not to hear them,
And remember they are there, too.
Where? Outside the door-
Thousands of them, millions of them.
But more important for me-
One of them, two of them, ten of them,
Whose hands I am intended to put on the latch.
So I shall stay by the door and wait
For those who seek it.
"I had rather be a door-keeper..."
So I stay near the door.


I just wanted to share that with you. Whether this poem was significant to you or not, or even if you acctually read it, I'd like to thank you for reading it. I hope it help you to percieve where I stand right now.

I think that's all I have for tonight. It's late and I've only slept between four to six hours each night for the past three or four nights. Once again, thank you for reading this blog entry, it means a lot, even if I don't know who it is that read it. Peace and love.

Fashion Crisis?

So earlier I was writing a new post on here and my computer got screwed up. Naturally I refreshed the page and I don't know what happened my whole blog got deleted. Thankfully I was looking at my posts earlier on a different tab and I could just copy and past all the posts up again. It was a pain changing all the dates and times though.

Anyways, I was looking over pictures and reading comments on The Sartorialist when I realized how unique people can dress. Often, you see people that dress with the same style as others, therefore forming clicks or even introducing new forms of dress. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with dressing the same, I mean everyone does it, but I truly appreciate those that dress in such a way that makes them look like they don't care about how the rest of the world percieves them. For example, the woman in the picture on the right inspires me to express myself in a carefree way.

The Last Few Days, Including New Year's

Yesterday some of my family members and I got up and left at 6 A.M. to go visit the pyramids of Teotihuacan. There are several but the main ones are called la pyramide del sol (the highest one) y le pyramide de la luna (the second highest). We climbed la pyramide del sol first. Personally, I thought it would have been bigger but I was satisfied that it was at least bigger than the one we visited last year. The picture on the right is of la pyramide del sol. We stayed there for about three or four hours. We got home at around 5 P.M. and I didn't do much for about three hours.

At about 8 P.M. my brother, aunt, and I decided to play a spiced up game of 'Guess Who.' Basically the rule was that the loser has to do a dare. Let's just say we decided to keep it in the kitchen. Some of the dares were as follows:

-eat a raw egg

-eat a spoon of onions

-eat a spoon of mayonnaise

-have a spoon of salt sit on your tongue for one minute

-eat a spoonfull of an unknown concoction (which was later told to be fruit loops, orange juice, milk, and hot sauce all mixed together)

-eat a spoon of vegatable oil, salt, sugar, onion, tomatoes, and coffee

Fortuantly, I was reigning champ and only had two dares. Because I don't drink soft drinks, I had to drink a small bottle of coke and I had to eat a spoon of vegetable oil, coffee, and ketchup.

The next day, Sunday, I did absolutly nothing until the afternoon. So I just hung out with my brother all day. At night we went to church and afterwards my cousins, aunt, brother, dad, and I went to National Treasure: Book of Secrets. But this time we saw the movie in English! I actually liked the movie and I really want to see the sequel. We got home at around 12:30 A.M., I watched t.v. for a while and eventually fell asleep.

The next day, Monday, was of course New Year's Eve. During the day I hung around at home, went to el centro (downtown), where I bought a new purse and wallet, and bought fireworks for that night. Now the night was definatly eventful. All of our family got together to make dinner. We ate at about 11 P.M. and I was tired so I took a nap. My brother woke me up at midnight and all of our family gave hugs to each other, like Christmas. We then all went out and lit the fireworks and broke pinatas with everyone in the neighborhood. After that, our family gathered at the dinner table to with my uncle a happy birthday and part his cakes. My brother and I were bored as hell so we started makeing things out of toothpicks and cut up radishes. I don't know how it began but we started to have a radish fight, yes a radish fight, and everyone started to join in. Eventually, we started throwing everything on the dinner table and had a huge food fight. Salsa, onions, radishes, cilantro, soda, and anything else that was in reach was thrown. By the time we were done I had salsa all in my hair and on my back. I took a shower but my back was buring like mad because of the salsa. But, I must say that that was probably the best New Year's I have ever had. After my shower I watched t.v. with my brother and then went to my room and watched A Walk to Remember until 5:30 A.M.. I don't think I can ever get sick of that movie.

I woke up at 10:38 this morning so I only got about five hours of sleep. Surprisingly I'm not tired. I packed all of my clothes and anything else a have to take home with me. Today is my last day here and I wish it wasn't. But I am glad to be going home to see everyone. I must say, I do miss my bed and Merrill (my cat)! Haha

Ixtapan

Today was quite the adventure. My dad, aunts, their boyfriends, cousins, brother, and I went to a water park called Ixtapan. It's sort of like Wild Rivers with a twist. They have four pools that they fill with water that comes out of hot springs and the rest of the park is full of rides. I went on most of the rides and my knees and arms are extremely sore right now. I don't think I can get off this bed. But, I think the pain is worth it. The only down side is that tomorrow we're going to these pyramids about two hours away. I believe there are three and we're going to be climbing all of them. So wish me luck? I'll be needing it. That's about it for today. Now, I guess I'll be trying to get off this bed and somehow take a shower.


And I like to let all my friends, those who read this, to know that I miss and love them all dearly and I can't wait to see you guys soon!

My Christmas

Last Friday I left on a road trip to Cuernavaca, Mexico with my dad and brother to visit family and friends. We arrived here on Sunday at about one in the morning, so in actuality I guess we arrived on Monday morning.

For Christmas Eve my family always has a party called a ''posada.'' This year was a blast, the only thing is that I had to sit in church for two hours. But I'm glad I didn't pass out this year! Anyways, afterwards we walked home and when we got there we began breaking pinatas with the rest of the neighborhood. We had dinner at around 11 P.M. and at midnight all of our family and friends hugged and wished each other a Merry Christmas.

So we have these new friends who are transsexuals. That may sound a little odd but they're fun to be around. One was named Vanessa and I'm not sure what the other girls name was. Both of them pretty much got hammered and at about 2 A.M. they put on a show for us. They danced to up beat music for about an hour like they knew what they were doing. Vanessa was a pretty good dancer and the other girl was alright I guess.

For about an hour my brother, Thomas, my cousin, Victor, and I lit fireworks. When we came back our other friend, Edahir (I don't know if that's how you spell it) who is gay, dressed up as a woman in a silk dress, black wig, makeup, and high heels and impersonated another singer. It was hilarious!

Overall it was a great night and I fell asleep at around 4 A.M. I ended up waking up at around 1 P.M. and for the rest of the day my family and I went to this place called "Los Columpios" (the swings). There there are these swings that are basically a long rope tied to very tall trees. You sit on these simple pieces of branch that are also tied to the rope and swing over about three stories. I was scared to death but I'm glad I did it.

A while after we went on these quads and while I was riding my bike got stuck. So, I got off and I accidentally let go of the break and the back tire ran over my left leg about eight times. Right now it's actually bruised and had a number of red marks. It hurts like no other. But I must say, I did have a great time.

Later that night my dad, two aunts, brother, cousin, Edahir, and I went to Cinepoli, the huge movie theater here. We saw the 10 P.M. showing of The Golden Compass. The only thing is that it was in Spanish. But I understood all of it! I was, and still am, quite proud of myself.

Since then we haven't really done much. Today I didn't do anything really. I just hung out with my brother around the house and stuff. Tomorrow though we're going to these hot springs about two hours away and we'll be staying there all day. I can't wait! I've never been to any hot springs and I'm hoping it will be a great experience.

Why Start?

So every now and then I read my friend's, Diane Kwon, blog. I began to think to myself, "I should make one for myself." I guess the only catch is that I'll be using this blog as an online memorabilia as well as a journal. I honestly don't know how often I'll be writting on here we'll just have to wait and see.