My Spiritual High

This weekend I went on a retreat with my church, St. Edwards. It was my second retreat, but my first as a leader. I have to say, I was skeptical about going at first because I really didn't know anyone but I obviously decided to attend. It was one of the best experiences of my life. Although I went last year as a confermee (I don't know if I spelled that right) I feel that this time was absolutly, I can't think of the word so let's just say beyond inspiring. I met so many amazing people that I learned to love. I simply can't wait to strengthen our friendships and I hope that they are lifelasting. This retreat was so significant to me that I decided to join in on the next retreat in a couple of weeks. I also chose to continue being a part of the S.U.R.F. Team, our youth ministry (Serving Under our Richious Father). It's experiences like this that make me feel to rejuvinated, and I feel as if I've been reborn as completely new soul.

One of our team leaders, Eric, shared a song with all of us. You might know it, it's So Contagious by Acceptance. I've been a fan of Acceptance for a while but I don't know how I hadn't heard this song before. I can't stop listening to it. It's like one of those songs that just takes you back to those memories deep inside of you.

Without God I don't think I would have been able to be so outgoing on this retreat. I participated in a number of skits with the rest of the team. It was amazing and I can't wait to do it again.

A poem was recited by one of the adult team members that really got to me and sort of made me realize where my place is. Here it is:

So I Stay Near the Door
By: Samuel Shoemaker

I stay near the door.
I neither go too far in, nor stay too far out,
The door is the most important door in the world-
It is the door through which men walk when they find God.
There's no use my going way inside, and staying there,
When so many are still outside and they, as much as I,
Crave to know where the door is.
And all that so many ever find
Is only the wall where a door ought to be.
They creep along the wall like blind men,
With outstretched, groping hands,
Feeling for a door, knowing there must be a door,
Yet they never find it...
So I stay near the door.

The most tremendous thing in the world
Is for men to find that door-the door to God.
The most important thing any man can do
Is to take hold of one of those blind, groping hands,
And put it on the latch-the latch that only clicks
And opens to the man's own touch.
Men die outside that door, as starving beggars die
On cold nights in cruel cities in the dead of winter-
Die for want of what is within their grasp.
The live, on the other side of it-live because they have found it.
Nothing else matters compared to helping them find it,
And open it, and walk in, and find Him...
So I stay near the door.
Go in, great saints, go all the way in-
Go way down into the cavernous cellars,
And way up into the spacious attics-
It is a vast, roomy house, this house where God is.
Go into the deepest of hidden casements,
Of withdrawal, if silence, of sainthood.
Some must inhabit those inner rooms,
And know the depths and heights of God,
And call outside to the rest of us how wonderful it is.
Sometimes I take a deeper look in,
Sometimes venture in a little farther;
But my place seems closer to the opening...
So I stay near the door.

There is another reason why I stay there.
Some people get part way in and become afraid
Lest God and the zeal of His house devour them;
For God is so very great, and asks all of us.
And these people feel a cosmic claustrophobia,
And want to get out. "Let me out!" they cry.
And the people way inside only terrify them more.
Somebody must be by the door to tell them that they are spoiled
For the old life, they have seen too much:
Once taste God and nothing but God will do anymore.
Somebody must be watching for the frightened
Who seek to sneak out just where they came in,
To tell them how much better it is inside.
The people too far inside do not see how near these are
To leaving-preoccupied with the wonder of it all.
Somebody must watch for those who have entered the door,
But would like to run away. So for them, too,
I stay near the door.
I admire the people who go way in.

But I wish they would not forget how it was
Before they got in. Then they would be able to help
The people who have not yet even found the door,
Or the people who want to run away again from God.
You can go in too deeply, and stay in too long,
And forget the people outside the door.
As for me, I shall take my old accustomed place,
Near enough to God to hear Him, and know He is there,
But not so far from men as not to hear them,
And remember they are there, too.
Where? Outside the door-
Thousands of them, millions of them.
But more important for me-
One of them, two of them, ten of them,
Whose hands I am intended to put on the latch.
So I shall stay by the door and wait
For those who seek it.
"I had rather be a door-keeper..."
So I stay near the door.


I just wanted to share that with you. Whether this poem was significant to you or not, or even if you acctually read it, I'd like to thank you for reading it. I hope it help you to percieve where I stand right now.

I think that's all I have for tonight. It's late and I've only slept between four to six hours each night for the past three or four nights. Once again, thank you for reading this blog entry, it means a lot, even if I don't know who it is that read it. Peace and love.